Songwriting Insecurity

I realized recently that my confidence in my songwriting ability is constantly changing. It’s sort of on a cycle that repeats every so often. It goes from “I think I’m a pretty good songwriter,” to, “I’ve never written a decent song in my life”.

I’m not exactly sure as to what makes it change, but I think it has a lot to do with comments people make to me. Especially comments from my bandmates, who are my harshest/most accurate critics. One of them can tell me a song of mine is great and I’ll feel awesome for awhile. Another one can tell me my song is pretty lousy and I get depressed for a month.

And they’re usually right. I don’t accept it at first, but if they tell me a song of mine isn’t very good, they usually hit the nail right on. I just get so attached to what I’ve written that I refuse to accept that it's anything less than perfect.

This sort of insecurity is probably common in any art form, sport, hobby, or activity. I’m sure painters, martial artists, and basketball players are constantly struggling with their confidence. The kicker for me is this: how do I express myself when I’m upset or depressed? I write songs. Hehe, so if I’m feeling really down and I write a song to express myself, and the song sucks, it just gets worse. I think I’ve written at least two songs about my insecurities. Both of which I have since decided are mediocre.

I don’t think that “toughening up” is the way to overcome the insecurity. Instead I think I have to lessen my attachment to the music. After all, they’re just notes, chords and rhythms. I didn’t invent any of them, they exist in nature. I’m simply organizing them how I best see fit. It’s almost like I’m the bridge between the music gods (who have provided the tools) and the audience. And if I write a song that doesn’t fly, no big deal. I’ll write a better one next time. I just can’t get hung up on the ones that don’t work.